i’ve been reading bell hooks’, Salvation: Black folks and Love, for a few months. each time i pick it up i learn about myself, my relationships, poly, and my family. when i’m going through a hard time i stop because it forces me both pay attention & to keep loving when all i want to do is sit it the hurt.
so instead of reading, practicing, and reaching out to my support systems i have a beer, smoke a cigarette, and play on the internet; excusing it for “self-care”. i share this secret not out of guilt but just so i can’t pretend i don’t know any better. just to remember “out loud” that once i experience my triggers and despair, i’ve undone enough over the past year to make choices on how i care for myself.
naming it, feels like a good first (or second step) toward getting to self, community, partnered love.